Looking for love in all the remote places?

Mr. President,
Admit it, you are a news whore.

You can't handle the current news cycle as the news media shifts the spotlight to your replacement. It must irk you something horrible.

This country must not be big enough for presidential candidates and a lame duck president. So, it was understandable for you to search the world for love in the most remote places.

The local news here isn't really great.

The economy keeps sliding into a recession, baseball heroes keep falling from their lofty perches, and college campus shootings continue to scare the hell out of parents.

In light of the recent killings at Northern Illinois University, people are searching for answers, preferably simple ones that caused Steven Kazmierczak, a graduate student to go on a shooting rampage.

The news media says he had mental problems and had recently stopped taking his meds; so many are connecting the shootings to either mental problems or to people who recently stopped taking their meds.

Gun control advocates are focusing on the ease of buying guns especially to mentally impaired people.

Sadly and ironically, the
acquisition of material by Kazmierczak for this shooting was from the same internet gun dealer who supplied the Virginia Tech shooter.

Over the last seven years, you have provided lots of fodder for many armchair psychiatrists who have been intrigued by your behavior as well.

Some of the questions that come to mind are:

How can someone who caused the death of hundreds of thousands of people in a proven-needless war continue to say it was the right thing to do?

What motivates someone to ignore the pleas of thousands of desperate Americans hit by a natural disaster like Katrina?

Why would the president of the country, which proposes to be the standard bearer for democracy around the world, willingly suspend key aspects of the most important document our democracy is based on?

What motivates a person to willingly sacrifice the health and safety of the people he is sworn to protect by installing shills for food and pharmaceutical companies in every important government agency?

It is not to late to conserve the limited resources that news writers, bloggers, and historians will use up, espousing their theories about your motivations behind so many ill-considered decisions.

Could you fill the blanks in for us? If you did, countless of offices around the world would boost their future productivity by salvaging millions of manwoman-hours hypothesizing your motivations. So please cut to the chase.

Do you have daddy issues?
Are you a psychopath?
Did your sadistic tendencies begin in childhood?
Did years of alcohol abuse and cocaine induce psychosis in your senior years?
How much of a pawn did you play in the neo-conservatives plan to assert an imperial America?

Simple answers would be appreciated.

It is the simple things brightly colored crystals twirling in the sunshine that seem to get you and your ardent follower's attention.

Speaking of sunshine, how's the weather in Africa?
I see you have had to searched high and low to
find a country that you can still bribe to say they like you.

It helps to promise Tanzania's President Jakaya Kikwete,
$700 million in foreign aid before you disembarked Air Force One. And all you ask of them in return is for all the child-bearing women in the country to cross their legs until they are properly married to a spouse without STD's and only have sex for pro-creation.

Here is an idea. Since you can't run for president here anymore maybe you can run for president of Tanzania.

You can be their white-God and isn't that all you ever wanted to be?

From: comments@whitehouse.gov
Date: February 19, 2008 5:24:22 PM CST
To: guzmatom@mac.com

On behalf of President Bush, thank you for your correspondence.

We appreciate hearing your views and welcome your suggestions.

Due to the large volume of e-mail received, the White House cannot respond to every message.

Thank you again for taking the time to write.